Evelyn has had a bad cold for the past 3 days. She has had problems sleeping and has needed some extra help with naps. As I held her while she slept in a dark room, for long stretches of time, I have had time to think. My thoughts turned to gratitude. When I returned home from living in India I was surprised by how easy life is here. I was even more surprised that I had never thought about how life would be without the comforts I took for granted as basic needs. Have I always had a car? Yes. Have I almost always had a way to escape the heat or cold? Yes. Have I ever been forced to go hungry for extended periods of time? No. After seeing the poverty among the kids I worked with in India I realized that my 'necessities' weren't necessities at all.
Life in India was exhilarating because everyday was a challenge. Even then, "how to survive the heat?" and "how to not get lost" were still my biggest worries. That showed my background. I was consumed with my 1st world problems. The people I worked with were trying to earn enough money for dinner...not enough to retire on. The kids were just out to survive and learn what they could on the side.
While I rocked my sleeping baby I realized how complacent I have become in my gratitude since 2010. I have been home from India for over three years. Three fast paced and crazy years. I have been so blessed and had started to see the good things as a direct result of my hard work. While I am sure hard work figures heavily into the good things, I realize that these things are blessings from a loving Father in Heaven. Good jobs have been offered to Kevin and I based on our experience. Did we work to gain that experience? Yes, but the resulting jobs have been nothing short of miraculous. Housing and education have yielded similar results. While we have had to work hard and we have had our share of struggles, I acknowledge that life has been good to us.
When I was stuck in bed for most of the 3rd trimester while pregnant with Evelyn I felt like I had earned her. I had stayed still to keep her safe when all I wanted to do was go for a walk or clean my house. Having just moved I endured loneliness, going days between visitors, waiting anxiously for Kevin to finish with his workday so I'd have someone to talk to. Even with all that effort or 'non-effort' as the case was, there is no way for someone to earn a child. I watch as Evelyn learns new things each day and am amazed that God thought I could help raise her. Most of the things she learns give me a good chuckle, but some remind me why I am here and encourage me to do everything I can to help Evelyn develop a knowledge of the truth.
Two weeks ago I was having one of 'those' days. I am pretty sure other moms have had them. Luckily they don't happen often. Evelyn had learned how to open the lid on the toilet and had filled it with new rolls of toilet paper. I came upstairs to a toilet bowl filled with sopping paper...it was even the good stuff! And that was just the beginning. Evelyn is usually adventurous but generally well behaved. That day, though, she tipped over the garbage cans in the kitchen, my room, and her room. She pitched a fit while I was in the office helping tenants and wound up clubbing me in the head with a stapler she found in a drawer. That night we had mutual followed by a Young Women's Presidency meeting. The meeting went from 8:30-9:15 so it was definitely bedtime for Evelyn. She was pretty worked up and I felt haggard. How could I contribute in a meaningful way when all I wanted to do was go home and put my little crazy to bed. I sat wrangling Evelyn, feeling super conspicuous since the other ladies looked so well put together and calm. I finally said a little prayer asking for Evelyn to have help to 'chill out'. During the closing prayer she calmed down and as I peaked at her (to make sure she wasn't rummaging quietly through someones purse) I saw that she had folded her arms and bowed her head. As I gratefully watched her pucker up her little face, squeezing her eyes shut, I felt Gods love for me.
We had worked hard as parents to help her fold her arms for prayers, but to no avail. Our attempts were met with complaints and squeals every time. That was what my efforts alone got me. But when my efforts were combined with the grace of God, I experienced exactly what I needed that evening. I KNEW that God was giving me the encouragement I desperately needed.
We know that it is when we are in our extremities that we come to know God. I have not been called upon to be in the extremities of health, hunger, pain, or injustice, but that night I was in my own extremity. I was tired and discouraged. I thought for sure that I was 'doing it wrong'. God knew that I was trying. That night he taught me that His grace makes all the difference. In the short time since then I have been able to look back on that lesson when I feel my patience wearing thin. I think God knew that I would need that experience to steel my resolve to be more patient. For his gentle understanding of my weaknesses I am grateful.
Evelyn seems to be feeling better this evening so I don't know that I will find the extended time each day to think about gratitude. I DO hope that I will remember that life is at its best when I put forth my best effort and ask God for help, then acknowledge his hand as the blessings come. It's a good day to be grateful.
Life in India was exhilarating because everyday was a challenge. Even then, "how to survive the heat?" and "how to not get lost" were still my biggest worries. That showed my background. I was consumed with my 1st world problems. The people I worked with were trying to earn enough money for dinner...not enough to retire on. The kids were just out to survive and learn what they could on the side.
While I rocked my sleeping baby I realized how complacent I have become in my gratitude since 2010. I have been home from India for over three years. Three fast paced and crazy years. I have been so blessed and had started to see the good things as a direct result of my hard work. While I am sure hard work figures heavily into the good things, I realize that these things are blessings from a loving Father in Heaven. Good jobs have been offered to Kevin and I based on our experience. Did we work to gain that experience? Yes, but the resulting jobs have been nothing short of miraculous. Housing and education have yielded similar results. While we have had to work hard and we have had our share of struggles, I acknowledge that life has been good to us.
When I was stuck in bed for most of the 3rd trimester while pregnant with Evelyn I felt like I had earned her. I had stayed still to keep her safe when all I wanted to do was go for a walk or clean my house. Having just moved I endured loneliness, going days between visitors, waiting anxiously for Kevin to finish with his workday so I'd have someone to talk to. Even with all that effort or 'non-effort' as the case was, there is no way for someone to earn a child. I watch as Evelyn learns new things each day and am amazed that God thought I could help raise her. Most of the things she learns give me a good chuckle, but some remind me why I am here and encourage me to do everything I can to help Evelyn develop a knowledge of the truth.
Two weeks ago I was having one of 'those' days. I am pretty sure other moms have had them. Luckily they don't happen often. Evelyn had learned how to open the lid on the toilet and had filled it with new rolls of toilet paper. I came upstairs to a toilet bowl filled with sopping paper...it was even the good stuff! And that was just the beginning. Evelyn is usually adventurous but generally well behaved. That day, though, she tipped over the garbage cans in the kitchen, my room, and her room. She pitched a fit while I was in the office helping tenants and wound up clubbing me in the head with a stapler she found in a drawer. That night we had mutual followed by a Young Women's Presidency meeting. The meeting went from 8:30-9:15 so it was definitely bedtime for Evelyn. She was pretty worked up and I felt haggard. How could I contribute in a meaningful way when all I wanted to do was go home and put my little crazy to bed. I sat wrangling Evelyn, feeling super conspicuous since the other ladies looked so well put together and calm. I finally said a little prayer asking for Evelyn to have help to 'chill out'. During the closing prayer she calmed down and as I peaked at her (to make sure she wasn't rummaging quietly through someones purse) I saw that she had folded her arms and bowed her head. As I gratefully watched her pucker up her little face, squeezing her eyes shut, I felt Gods love for me.
We had worked hard as parents to help her fold her arms for prayers, but to no avail. Our attempts were met with complaints and squeals every time. That was what my efforts alone got me. But when my efforts were combined with the grace of God, I experienced exactly what I needed that evening. I KNEW that God was giving me the encouragement I desperately needed.
We know that it is when we are in our extremities that we come to know God. I have not been called upon to be in the extremities of health, hunger, pain, or injustice, but that night I was in my own extremity. I was tired and discouraged. I thought for sure that I was 'doing it wrong'. God knew that I was trying. That night he taught me that His grace makes all the difference. In the short time since then I have been able to look back on that lesson when I feel my patience wearing thin. I think God knew that I would need that experience to steel my resolve to be more patient. For his gentle understanding of my weaknesses I am grateful.
Evelyn seems to be feeling better this evening so I don't know that I will find the extended time each day to think about gratitude. I DO hope that I will remember that life is at its best when I put forth my best effort and ask God for help, then acknowledge his hand as the blessings come. It's a good day to be grateful.
Thanks Katie! I loved this! Thanks for sharing in such a sincere and honest way your experience! Love you!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this Katie!
ReplyDeleteKatie, today has been one of those days for me, and I can't tell you how much I needed this! Love you, girl!
ReplyDelete