"Father, where shall I work today?"

"Father, where shall I work today?"

And my love flowed warm and free.

Then He pointed out a tiny spot

And said, "Tend that for me."

I answered quickly, "Oh no, not that!

Why, no one would ever see,

No matter how well my work was done.

Not that little place for me."

And the word He spoke, it was not stern;

He answered me tenderly:

"Ah, little one, search that heart of thine; 

Art thou working for them or for me?

Nazareth was a little place, And so was Galilee."

-Meade MacGuire

While I was sick I reached a point where I was too sick to be up, but well enough to read. During that time I came across this poem in President Monson's biography "To the Rescue". It was touching, but I had no one to share it with. I have turned back to that page several times and re-read the words. Each time they have deepened my resolve to lift where I stand, bloom where I am planted, and let God lead me to wherever it is he needs me.

"Father, where shall I work today?"

I cannot offer a meaning for anyone but myself. This is a question I ask in some form each day. God points me to my home and asks me to care for it and my babies. Some days I pray for more opportunities to make a difference outside my family. Sometimes those opportunities come. Regularly, the Lord takes that opportunity to remind me that I still need to work at tending my own little patch.

I used to dream about being important, influential, and impressive. At varying times I dreamed of a variety of 'big' things. In high school I dreamed of dropping that last half a second and qualifying to participate in the olympic trials in swimming. In college I dreamed of being an opera singer. Between degrees I dreamed of being my own version of Mother Teresa. In graduate school I dreamed of being a professor, and even had a great experience teaching at the college level. I dreamed of being seen. I'd always loved attention. Not that I did those things for the sake of attention. I made the choices I felt were good for me, but I always enjoyed the byproduct of being 'interesting'.

"Father, where shall I work today?"

Hug those babies. Don't curse when your pre-schooler has an accident in your lap. Be needed, and not angry. Play patty cake a dozen times and then a dozen more because it is still 15 minutes till nap time.  Sit on the floor and let baby be up in arms and then down, then up and down again. Over and over well past the point your patience ends. Teach skills. Grow confidence. Build character. Be kind and teach kindness. Hug your husband and don't throw the kids at him when he gets home. Build up. Be peaceful. Teach the gospel. 

But if I do those things I won't have time during the day to improve my writing enough to finish that book on Strauss. I'll never be an academic! I won't have time to be more well read. I won't have the time to keep every room in my house clean at the same time. I won't have time to make lots of friends and be social. I miss that.

"Art thou working for them or for me?"

What do you say to that? Do I miss out on some things I really wish I could do? Sure, there are a few things. Is the issue much more of worrying about how the world perceives my value?  I think so. When I remember to set those expectations aside and think more about Gods expectations, life gets a lot less complicated. 

Perhaps I will never be important to the world. Only a few people read my blog posts. I don't know if anyone will even want to read the book on Strauss if I ever finish it. I'll tell you what though, at my house I am essential. 

If Christ and President Monson can do their parts. I can do mine.